Came Back to Life

A second life… Have you experienced dying and then coming back to life again? This should be unbelievable but it happened to me. For several hours, I was dead though I didn’t know it. Of course, I wouldn’t know. It was after waking up that I slowly realized what happened.

I had the most enlightening experience of my life when I delivered my third and youngest daughter by caesarian section. It was my third C.S., too.

That pregnancy was not easy. No job since the first trimester. A lot of worry about the family finance. Money earned was not enough to feed two kids and now a third about to arrive.

The hospital was government-owned and we need not worry about the bills except for the medicine and other medical needs like needle, butterfly needle, catheter tube, and other unpronounceable terms. All I understood then was the way those extras managed to whittle the small funds intended for the recuperation drugs.

I and my husband started a family at a young age. Not as helpless teenagers but as jobless young adults which looked and felt like we’re orphans because there was no parental support from both sides. We had no one to turn to. We wouldn’t ask for help because only rejection awaited us.

We learned our lesson when I gave birth to my eldest daughter. My husband was still idealistic then. Family supports family. Blood is thicker than water. He still believed in all this bla-bla and didn’t hesitate on asking for monetary help from his family after learning that the money we saved was not enough. We were expecting that I would give birth to our first child through normal delivery.

The answer from his widowed mother and stepfather was negative. They didn’t approve of me and my relationship with their son. My husband approached my own family while I was in the labor room of the nearby charity hospital. He listened to the ranting and the insults from my parents because he accepted that it was wrong to burden others of his responsibility as a father. My own flesh and blood refused to give help. One of my sisters took pity and lent a measly sum of money.

I went on labor a week before my scheduled confinement. It was a long night. The doctor-in-charge was quite unsympathetic when she asked me to stop rubbing my stomach. She accused me of inducing my baby to come out before schedule. I refused when she told me to go home.

Thankfully, the horrible doctor went off duty before morning came. The one who next checked my blood pressure and record tablet was a bit warm if a little distracted as though still tired from the last shift. After a thorough examination, I was wheeled out of the labor room and into the operating room.

I saw my husband waiting outside in the crowded hallway and all we had a chance to do was exchange anxious glances. I tried to smile at him reassuringly but the double doors had already closed. A frightening thought flashed in my mind. What if that was the last time we saw each other?

I was instantly weakened by fear. From then on, everything seemed to start going wrong. The anaestheologist had to repeat piercing my lower back because he got the wrong needle length. I remembered gasping I couldn’t breathe. The last thing I saw was the nurse covering my face with an oxygen mask.

And then nothing…

There was a strong feeling of floating, of lightness… of a strong light.

Suddenly, I found myself staring at a big white light. It looked like a wall. And when it was turning slowly into a door shape right before my eyes… It was only then that I felt the force pulling me towards it like a metal paperclip to a magnet.

The light was enticing. I felt peaceful while staring at it. So it never entered my mind to fight the unseen power that was tugging at me. My hand lifted to touch the light. My eyes were glued at it, fascinated.

My fingertips were only inches away from the first rays of the white light when I heard my husband’s voice calling my name, followed by three young voices calling ‘Mama’.

I frowned, perplexed. My youngest was a newborn and she couldn’t speak yet… surely?

When the three small voices spoke again one by one, I had to make sure so I turned my head and looked behind my shoulder.

And there they were – my family. I saw my husband and a little girl sitting on his arm, our youngest. Our eldest daughter and only son were standing by his side. They were all looking at me with pleading eyes. They were calling my name with pleading voices.

“Mama, Mama, don’t leave us. Come back to us. Please, we love you…”

I love you, too!

I opened my mouth and tried to speak but no sound came out. Fear clutched at my heart once again. Desperately, I looked at my husband and was shocked to see the tears in his eyes.

“I love you, sweetheart. Don’t leave us. Don’t leave our children.”

My heart was being squeezed by the pain that was in his voice. There was longing and fear, too. I looked at my children’s innocent faces and felt a strong tug of love, more powerful than the magnet.

My body was still half-turned while I was looking at my family. And when I turned towards them completely, the force that was pulling me backwards suddenly disappeared.

The white light was also gone. My family, too…

Then someone was shaking my arm and talking at the same time.

“Ma’am, can you hear me? Please make a sound if you’re awake. Or just move your head. Please turn your head to the right.”

My eyelids were heavy like metal but I forced to lift them up. I wanted to see my husband, my children.

The sight that greeted my eyes was a balm to my cold and confused spirit. My faith was instantly renewed and rejuvenated. And I silently whispered a short but fervent prayer of gratitude while staring at the Crucifix hanging on the wall right before my bed.

‘Thank you, Lord! Oh my God! Thank you very much for giving me this second chance!’

When I was brought out of the recovery room after long hours of unconsciousness, my husband and I were reunited in the charity ward. There were people around us but our hearts were privately communicating through our eyes. His hand gently stroked my hair as he whispered, “I am so happy you came back, sweetheart.”

And while I was basking under the warmth of his love, I vowed to myself I would take good care of this precious gift to me. I would spend my second life loving him, loving our kids…